Premier Protein bars are available in our company kitchen. But they contain palm kernel oil, which we all know is 1) evil; 2) destroys rainforest; 3) kills critically endangered species, like the orangutan; 4) enslaves the poor in atrocious working conditions; 5) exacerbates global warming. I fired off my usual email, detailing the above.
Here’s their first response:
Thank you for contacting Abbott Nutrition.
We always appreciate hearing directly from our consumers, whether they write in praise or in offering their comments and/or suggestions about our products or services.
Your comments are greatly appreciated and will be forwarded to the appropriate people at Abbott Nutrition.
Please let us know if we can be of further assistance.
I pressed onward. Telling them they said NOTHING. It was corporate bullshit.
Here’s their second response:
We apologize for any inconvenience, but feel we can best address your inquiry by speaking with you in person.
Please feel free to contact our Consumer Relations Department at 1-800-227-5767 (Monday through Friday 8:30 AM – 5 PM, Eastern time).
We look forward to your call.
I wrote them back, with suitable snark and a reference to the recent NY Times op-ed piece about the evils of palm oil:
Why should I take time out of my day to call you!? Besides, if I call you I can’t read today’s NY Times editorial on the evils of palm oil over the phone. It’d take too long.
WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR PALM OIL!!!!
Here was their final response:
We are unable to provide sources of ingredient that are used in our products, as they are proprietary to Abbott Nutrition.
We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience!
Prepare for a boycott; you guys suck. Every other corporation I write to has a responsible Palm Oil sourcing policy — or at least they have enough sense to say they do. They don’t hide behind “proprietary information” excuses. We’re talking about “nutrition” bars here. Not nuclear fusion!
I’ve been to Indonesia and saw for myself the destruction and death on the ground.
Your absurd, ridiculous response will get a lot of laughs on my blog. Prepare for some really bad PR.
Sure my little threat of a boycott may not really amount to much (what?, maybe 300 people)? But the concept should scare them into action, right?
All this to say, I do not feel comfortable eating a candy bar whose ingredients are so sacrosanct (or dangerous, or destructive, or unhealthy) that they’re considered trade secrets. Well, that’s enough for me. I’ve advised my company, family, friends and you, faithful blog readers, to boycott this product.